Once there were three little pigs who lived together in mutual respect and harmony with their enviroment. Using materials that were indegenious to the area, they each built a beautiful house. One pig built a house of straw, one a house of sticks, and one a house of dung, clay and creeper vines shaped into bricks and bakd in a small kiln. When they were finished, the pigs were satisfied with their hardwork and settle back to live in peace and self-determination.
But their idyll was soon shattered. One day, along came a big, bad wolf with expansionist ideas. He saw the pigs and grew very hungry, in both a physical and ideological sense. When the pigs saw the wolf, they ran into the house and straw. The wolf ran up to the house and banged on the door, shouting “Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!”
The pigs shouted back, “Your gunboat tactics hold no fear for pigs defending their homes and culture.”
But the wolf wasn’t to be denied what he thought was his manifest destiny. So he huffed and puffed and blew down the house of straw. The frightened pigs ran to the house of sticks, with the wolf in hot persuit. Where the house of straw had stood, other wolves bought up the land and started a banana plantion.
At the house of stikcs, the wolf again banged on the door and shouted, “Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!”
The pigs shouted back, “Go to hell, you carnivorous, imperialistic oppressor!”
At this, the wolf chuckled condescendingly. He thought to himself: “They are so childlike in their ways. It will be a shame to see them go, but progress cannot be stopped.”
So the wolf huffed and puffed and blew down the house of sticks. The pigs ran to the house of bricks, with the wolf close at their heels. Where the house of sticks had stood, the other wolves built a time-share condo resort complex for vacationing wolves, with each a unit of fibreglass reconstruction of the house of sticks, as well as native curio shops, snorkeling and dolphin shows.
At the house of bricks, the wolf again banged on the door and shouted, “Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!”
This time in response, the pig sang songs of solidarity and wrote letters of protest to the United Nations.
By now the wolf was getting angry at the pigs’ refusal to see the situation from a carnivore’s point of view. So he huffed and he puffed, and huffed and puffed, then grabbed his chest and fell over dead from a massive heart attack brought on from eating too many fatty foods.
The three little pigs rejoied that justice had triumphed and did a little dance around the corpse of the wolf. Their next step was to liberate their homeland. They gathered together a band of other pigs who had been forced off their lands. This new brigade of porcinistas attacked the resort complex with machine guns and rocket launchers and slaughtered the cruel wolf oppressors, sending a clear signal to the rest of the hemisphere not to meddle in their internal affairs. Then the pigs set up a model socialist democracy with free education, universal health care and affordable housing for everyone.
The end. wah wah wee wah.
